My wife Rebecca Plant recently wrote a post about throwing in the towel because you can’t stay connected and make cash.
After reading Bec’s post I feel compelled to share the other side of this coin. The bloke’s side. The side about dealing with your partner ‘sacking’ themselves, getting more connection and ultimately more sex (not that that’s the only goal here!!!!).
While wanting more sex may be a given for many of us blokes, what you may not realise is that your partner does as well.
But they also want the CONNECTION.
They aren’t getting the connection because all they’ve got is kids, demands, business and exhaustion.
They get to breaking point.
What regularly happens is couples default to the solution where one of them says, “Maybe I should leave the business and things will get better”.
This isn’t true.
The problem isn’t about relationship, the problem is about business.
You DO NOT have to stop working together to get more sex, connection and cash.
You DO NOT have to stop working together to have FUN together.
In fact, the opposite is true.
Among the hundreds of couples in business that I’ve dealt with t is very, very rare to find one where one of the couple has NOT sacked themselves. This is really common. Most of the time it’s the wife who sacks herself.
They’ve had enough. They can’t or don’t want to deal with ‘it’ anymore.
They just want their partner back. They want to be able to laugh together again.
They want to have time NOT talking about business.
They want intimacy.
Through our work with couples in circumstances that this happens we have a process to change this. It’s detailed and walks you both through powerful changes that move you from ‘frustrated’ to having super powers.
But there are some things right now that you NEED to know.
So, men, listen up.
Firstly your partner is amazing and has your back like no one else on this planet. When she speaks, listen to her.
When she says “I’m sacking myself” or “I’ve had enough I’m not working in the business anymore” – the first thing you need to do is LISTEN.
But hear it as a desire to work together to make things better.
DON’T hear it as a criticism of how you’re doing it.
Hear it that she wants the best for both of you.
DON’T hear that it’s more work for you.
Hear that it’s frustrating the CRAP out of her and she wants it to be different, better and easier. For BOTH of you.
After you’ve heard her, here’s what you need to say:
“Honey, I hear you. Deep down do you want to make this business work together? Do you believe we can make this amazing? Will you do this with me?”
Explore this and if the answer is YES, then do this:
“OK, so for the next 90 days I want you to take resigning off the table. That is, you can’t sack yourself, throw in the towel or leave. You’ve got to be committed to US making this work. Can you do that?”
The reason this needs to happen is ‘sacking themselves’ is tied to deeper beliefs and programs that have been triggered. This could be tied to taking the easier option, which is to run away, to not being loved, to being abandoned, to protecting themselves, to attempting to hurt you [or insert other reason here].
Whether it’s a conscious thing or not, this “I’m leaving the business” is also a threat and an attempt to get the other partner to STOP, listen and change.
SO TAKE IT OFF THE TABLE.
Get buy in on this.
Then get working on making changes together that are going to rock your world. You both want the same thing. You are both doing the best you can to get it.
Men, if you do this though, you’ve got to commit to doing things differently as well. You NEED to change things as well.
First you need to find a new way to get you both moving towards what you both want.
By working together on this, instead of fighting together on this, you will create space for more connection. And there is a pretty good chance this will lead to more sex (that seems like a pretty good reason to make changes in my books!!!!).
And, I promise, if you want this and you work together it will be AMAZING.
Men, if you let her guide you to doing this another way, it will be BETTER.
Let’s be honest… the worst thing that will happen is it will stay the same.
But from what I’ve seen from the couples who’ve taken this other path, things can only get better.
Edward is the Co-Founder and Lead Strategist at the Institute for Couples in Business. When he’s not nutting out smart strategies you’ll find him hanging out with wife and business partner Rebecca and his sons Samuel, 4, and Charles, 2. For the past seven years Ed has been working with business owners to double profits, halve hours and build self-sustaining business that thrives with or without you. Ed is also author of #1 best-seller Lead-The-Ship and a sought-after guest speaker who often gets mistaken for Prince Harry.