Please, stop right there.
You DO NOT have to stop working together in order for the sex to be good again.
Or, even for the conversations to flow again.
For things to feel FUN again.
For Intimacy to be a thing.
I’ve been getting some emails recently that start with, “I’m thinking I just have to give it all in to re-create the connection.”
To which I reply, “Do you like working together?”
Me: “Great. So, why do you want to give it in?”
Them: “Because he just doesn’t hear me anymore. I feel completely disconnected from him. I feel like we’re not a husband and wife any longer.”
Me: “I promise there is a way that doesn’t mean you have to throw it in. But, it will mean you’ll have to make some changes. You’ll have to lead it. Are you willing?”
The hardest part of working together is the ongoing commitment to being a BETTER HUMAN.
I remember growing up and having to lead the relationship with my absent father. In my angry years, I would say, “Oh, I always have to be the ADULT here. I have to be the bigger person”.
And yes, I did. I had to remove the emotion and feel in to him. I had to decide what I wanted from the relationship. I had to lead that. I still do, but that’s another story.
Anyway, the fact is that re-igniting the spark with your partner when you work together starts in the office.
There is no SEPARATE RELATIONSHIP.
There is no work relationship and personal relationship.
There IS ONLY THE ONE RELATIONSHIP.
If you are not willing to reset how you converse or communicate, it doesn’t matter whether you are working together or apart, you will still feel a lack of intimacy.
What you need to do is …
1. Identify what you love about doing this together – then remind yourself all the time. Look at why you DO work and then look at where things break down.
2. Open the Compassion Tap – if you are stressed about life, there’s a fair chance he is too. Stop making everything about what you THINK he is saying to you and start owning what you are hearing. Then ask, is that what you mean. Turn the tap on to YOU and to HIM.
3. Choose CURIOSITY over ANGER. Yes, I know this sounds like bollocks, but it’s extension from #2 is pertinent. You will need to choose something other than Anger to reignite the flame.
I get it. Working together can sometimes be like lugging a bag of poo up a hill. But on the other (most) days, it feels like roller-skating in the days of diners 🙂 Remember THOSE days?
You DO NOT have to let go of the business to get intimate again. You just have to choose another way.
And, I promise, if you want this and you show him another way, he will follow.
Open the floodgates of Loving Leadership and watch those sparks fly.
If you’d like to work with me on your Leadership Skills and Empow HER yourself to get better outcomes for you, your business and your relationship, email me directly with the subject ‘EMPOWER ME’ and I’ll be in touch.
Rebecca is the Co-Founder and CEO of The Institute for Couples in Business. Bec is also trusty wife to husband and business partner Ed, and mum to Samuel, 4, and Charles, 2. For the past seven years Bec has been working with business owners, and her Super Powers include making complex problems simple, creating strong connections, and motivating teams by building kick-arse culture. Bec is also author of #1 best-seller Lead-The-Ship and hosts popular podcast Boardrooms & Bedrooms.