I’ve been speaking to women a lot, lately. But ***MEN***, this one is for you…
What I’m about to say is delivered with the might of my love behind it: IT’S TIME TO PUT ON YOUR BIG BOY PANTS.
So often I’ve heard women talking about ‘putting on their big girl pants’, when they are stepping up in their business or challenging their own resilience levels.
Perhaps they’ve been getting emotionally hijacked by decisions or the perceived judgements of others …
Maybe they have avoided confrontation, or speaking their truth, for fear of how someone else might take it …
Often, it’s about making a tough decision about money or another issue that steps them out of their comfort zone or challenges their status quo.
At these times, it’s when I hear them say, “It’s time to put on my big girl pants”.
What they mean by this is, it’s time to step out of the old beliefs, habits and reactions that have brought them so successfully to where they are – but have kept them playing at the level they know.
It often comes with a shift in their relationships and what they will accept in terms of how people treat them. And in turn, how they treat others and what they will stand for. Which then in turn means a separation or shifting away from people who no longer vibe where they are.
It’s a big decision and takes HUGE courage to take this plunge.
And to the women out there continually stepping in to their Adult self, please sit in the honour that I direct toward you for a moment (HEART). Standing in what you believe in and expanding yourself takes big heart.
But putting on your ‘Big [GENDER] pants’ is not limited to women.
The more I progress in this work with couples in business together, I am confronted with women who are up-levelling, women who are stepping up. And, as they do, are continually being fronted by a husband or lover who is resistant.
They pay ‘lip service’ and say how important things are …
● how they want the business to be easier
● how systems need to happen
● how they need to let go
● how they want to be home for dinner with their family
● how they need a better team.
When it comes to the doing, they …
● don’t make strategic days or meetings a focus
● don’t make answering the questions or downloading their knowledge a priority
● don’t step away and hand over to their team members
● put everything else in front of leaving the work site or the office on time to get home
● won’t have the tough conversations with underperforming team members.
They don’t align their actions with their words.
And that, Men, means it is time to find whatever courage you need to make change. To see that what you are doing on repeat, is no longer OK. It no longer wins hearts.
So, Men, I ask, with my hands in prayer toward you, that you open your eyes …
That you see the woman before you …
That you RE-member that SHE is the reason you are doing this.
And, if you don’t take stock of that, she may no longer be there.
And then, all the work you’ve been doing to provide, will be useless.
The work you are doing for your family means nothing if you do not have them there to provide for.
Being a couple in business together can be tough.
The moment we align our actions with our words – that is, make each other as much of a priority as making the money, life becomes …
It is not HER job to make you leave the work site on time.
It is not HER job to get you out of bed.
It is not HER job to parent alone as you slowly kill yourself working 80-hour weeks.
It IS her job to love the f$*^ out of you. And if you are reading this, I assure you, that is what she is doing.
In my work with couples over the past 8 years, I have seen that 8 in every 10 times that the first step to get support to create CONNECTED GROWTH comes from HER.
I would SO love for that to be different. I would SO love Ed and I to be your people as you put on your Big Boy Pants and ask for help.
Life can be different.
She can stop nagging.
You can have the space to be intimate again …
But what you do MUST match what you SAY.
If you are ready to reach out for support, email us with ‘Big Boy Pants’ in the subject line and let us know a bit about you, your business and what you see as your challenges right now. We’ll be in touch.
Rebecca is the Co-Founder and CEO of The Institute for Couples in Business. Bec is also trusty wife to husband and business partner Ed, and mum to Samuel, 4, and Charles, 2. For the past seven years Bec has been working with business owners, and her Super Powers include making complex problems simple, creating strong connections, and motivating teams by building kick-arse culture. Bec is also author of #1 best-seller Lead-The-Ship and hosts popular podcast Boardrooms & Bedrooms.